Meanwhile, on what might as well be Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Halloween episode, Dr. Crusher goes to her grandmother’s funeral on Planet Scotland, and she ends up making out with Grandma Howard’s ghost lover, who for some reason is also Dracula from The Monster Squad. He lives in a candle that ends up on the Enterprise, and so he needs to transport himself up to the ship (because ghosts can do that, apparently) so he can get back in the candle and suck the life force out of the next descendant of the line. Because he lives off the female members of this specific lineage, I think. Oh, also the Enterprise is covered in a dense fog, because of course it is.

Okay. First of all, someone on the writing staff must of really hated Gates McFadden. I know that most of season seven is terrible, but the ghost-ship Celts-in-space romance novel of a clustercrap is embarrassing even after “Paul Sorvino Is Worf’s Brother” or “Picard Wonders If He Accidentally Made Out with a Guy During the Commercials.” McFadden deserves better! She was a Muppeteer, for crying out loud! And you fired her in season two only to bring her back twenty episodes later, so I think you need every episode to be “I’m sorry, please have less awful in your character.” Show some respect.

And secondly…no but really, it’s the rapping granny from The Wedding Singer and some kind of space ghost. If I had another point here, it was lost in the total insanity that is the home stretch of Star Trek: The Next Generation.