The Un-Tumblr.

On the subject of Monkeys with Sitcoms: I am pained, pained...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:17:33 -0500

On the subject of Monkeys with Sitcoms:

I am pained, pained that this is not a real television program. Only Jonathan Coulton could make this stoic, monkey-adverse writer nostalgic for the days of 80s Sitcoms…and also the monkeys that starred in them (Bobo the Monkey, Chimbo the Monkey, Kirk Cameron).

Is there no one who will turn this program into a reality? The world’s first Creative Commons sitcom? Anyone? Bueller?

On the subject of Robots and jailbreaks: The same action will...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:00:47 -0500

On the subject of Robots and jailbreaks:

The same action will often be repeated ad infinitum until the episode comes to an end. Monkeys tend to get bored with such tactics.

ADVANTAGE: MONKEYS

On the subject of Robots living inside pinball machines: Did...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:53:00 -0500

On the subject of Robots living inside pinball machines:

Did anyone else love this game as much as I did? Yes, the obvious Twilight Zone connection for a kid who was nuts over Science Fiction, but it was also way more than that. I was mad about pinball, having become addicted to the original Star Trek machine at a hotel in Cornwall, and would play every single table which I encountered. This quickly became one of my favorites, due to one distinguishing factor:

MAGNETS.

At random intervals, the machine would grab your silverball and throw it around the table, often directly into the path of an inescapable ramp, or right out of range of the flippers. I believe this was the first time I encountered Robots who were trying to screw up my exploits. Still, I loved the everliving hell out of this machine, especially since I foolishly thought that I could beat it at its own game.

If I get a sudden influx of disposable income this Christmas season, I may have to drop the $8,000 it takes to buy this sucker.

(Reminded of the pinball topic this morning by Andrea Rosen, who you should be following if you are not already.)

On the subject of Dogs, Robot: Walking without entering orbit...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:28:12 -0500

On the subject of Dogs, Robot:

Walking without entering orbit is a problem for them. Monkeys have no such problem.

ADVANTAGE: MONKEYS

On the subject of Taming Monkeys: If you combine the musical...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:16:13 -0500

On the subject of Taming Monkeys:

If you combine the musical talents of both your fiddle- and euphonium-playing friends, a monkey, properly contained in the zoo, will stay for tea.

If JoCo's (Former) Assistant Scarface Has a Brain Tumor...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 13:29:13 -0500

Then it’s all over.

Tumblr will have turned into an episode of Thirtysomething, and we’re all doomed.

Formspring Time: ROBOTS or MONKEYS?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:52:45 -0500

Formspring Time: ROBOTS or MONKEYS?:

In the interest of full debate, we here at the Un-Tumblr wish to gather all your thoughts on the current match-up between Monkeys and Robots. Please expand upon any and all relevant thoughts. The answers will be used at a future date in this Tumblr discussion to finally settle this age-old rivalry.

On the subject of Protection Against Robots: They were once...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:36:36 -0500

On the subject of Protection Against Robots:

They were once built to serve mankind, but now they eat old people’s medicine for fuel. Larger and more dangerous than Bathroom Monkeys, robots are known to grab you with their metal claws so hard that you can’t break free. So ask yourself which you would rather have: an often-mad monkey, or a rogue robot?

SNL's "Bathroom Monkey"

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:28:19 -0500

SNL's "Bathroom Monkey":

On the subject of Monkey Cleanliness:

There are some effective modes of monkey bathroom-cleaning. However, please be advised that your monkey servant could become ornery, leading you to also become irritated, leave SNL and join Air America.

I can guarantee you one thing: the new V will never, ever...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:48:47 -0500

I can guarantee you one thing: the new V will never, ever feature a scene where an alien is defeated by Marc Singer’s crotch.

Stevie Wonder, “1-2-3 Sesame Street” He was busy...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 11:04:13 -0500

Stevie Wonder, “1-2-3 Sesame Street”

He was busy selling about three billion copies of Innervisions and Songs in the Key of Life, and yet still showed up on the Street to teach Cookie Monster how to dance. Awesome? Yes, I think so.

Today’s Tumblr is brought to you by the Letters R & M,...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:52:49 -0500

Today’s Tumblr is brought to you by the Letters R & M, and the Number 12.

(Happy 40th Birthday, Sesame Street!)

On the Hotness of Robots: In our exhaustive research, we turned...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:43:00 -0500

On the Hotness of Robots:

In our exhaustive research, we turned up a film called Cyborg 2, which is awful. However, it does feature a 17-year-old Angelina Jolie as a killer robot with Karate powers.

The phrase “17-year-old Angelina Jolie with Karate powers” is an automatic win for any team that claims it.

ADVANTAGE: ROBOTS

On the Hotness of Monkeys: The hottest possible monkey we at...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:36:03 -0500

On the Hotness of Monkeys:

The hottest possible monkey we at The Un-Tumblr could find is Helena Bonham Carter in the Planet of the Apes remake. Decent, but we think it’s because of the hair.

On the fallibility of robots: if you attempt to have sex with...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:07:11 -0500

On the fallibility of robots: if you attempt to have sex with them next to a malfunctioning washing machine, they will short out in a comically overdone manner.

On the fallibility of monkeys: even the most evil and...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:56:00 -0500

On the fallibility of monkeys: even the most evil and bloodthirsty of these creatures can be defeated by a hungry quadriplegic.

Piebald, “The Monkey Versus the Robot” “I...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:06:36 -0500

Piebald, “The Monkey Versus the Robot”

“I know a guy who lives just for the weekend.

He says he’s tired a lot.

He says there should be five days of weekend

Instead of five days of work.”

"I don’t believe in robots. Why would anyone build something with so many parts when we still have..."

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:23:21 -0500

“I don’t believe in robots. Why would anyone build something with so many parts when we still have monkeys.”

- Jason Fried (via friedisms)

He’s just a man who is a little bit smarter than the rest of us!

(via meaghano)

A Helper Monkey will never match some of the specialization techniques of a robot. And that seals it! Our next topic will be…ROBOTS: More Useful Than a Monkey?

And another thing: you see a tail on that GQMF? No? Then guess...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:14:48 -0500

And another thing: you see a tail on that GQMF? No? Then guess what? That’s a orangutan, and not a monkey.

Phyla: Learn You Some, New York Times!

"The company wants to vanquish once and for all the whispers of racism that linger from stumbles in..."

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:08:15 -0500

“The company wants to vanquish once and for all the whispers of racism that linger from stumbles in the past. Yes, “Dumbo” traded in black stereotypes in 1941 with its band of uneducated, pimp-hat-wearing crows. All the animals in “The Jungle Book” from 1967 speak in proper British accents except for the jive-talking monkeys who desperately want to become “real people.””

- “Her Prince Has Come. Critics, Too,” The New York Times, November 3, 2009.

COME ON! How many times are we going to have to go through this? All of the Chimps (Chimps, not Monkeys) are voiced by ITALIANS. That was just how Louie Prima talked. Yes, all the time. It’s not our fault that you have no sense of musical history, and can’t figure out the appropriate time to yell “That’s Racist!”

Look, no one ever complained about King Louie until recently. You know why? Because everyone knew who he was. The Italians? We are proud of him. The man was a crossover artist when people still used words like Wop and Dago with impunity. He was right there with Sinatra, those swingers who got the entire country moving regardless of race, class, or gender. I’ll give you the Crows of Dumbo; you may see them as ugly stereotypes, because they certainly aren’t sensitive portrayals. But when you try to show Louie as an example of “Disney’s Racism,” you are showing your hand as a poor journalist and poorer judge of character.